i never could accept what they would offer

hey

2005-04-17T21:32:10Z

hey everyone

since this journal is getting old and the name of ILuvDAveyofafi getting very childish and stupid, I have made a new livejournal. I am hoping sorrell can get a background for me but the livejournal is Capn_jazz

thanks!

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-04-16T14:24:00

2005-04-16T21:30:53Z

laalalalalalalalalala

so how is everyone?

I miss you all an awful lot

god dammit I'm thirsty

ok anyways

for the second book I'm writing please help me........thanks(:

POLL FOR MY BOOK(please choose one of the following and comment it)
1. Kill of Dahni
2. pretend to kill of Dahni but he is really mysteriously alive
3. just don't kill dahni!!! he is soooo freakin HOT!!!!
4. Make mishi ush ush run away and get eaten
5. make dahni go crazy and almost kill Seth

P.S even if you don't even know the plot or who the characters are, just choose one anyways...

love brenna

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-04-09T00:56:00

2005-04-09T07:57:01Z

I am at sorrells house and I am watching thirteen. I hate it. It is really depressing

well hello chums

2005-04-04T22:45:26Z

I am very bored

I know I should be enjoying the rest of my spring vacation till I go back to the school of ultimate horror

there are so many things I need to deal with when I get back its digusting

1.rumor that me plus dakota are going out(ew ew ew ew ew ew ew)(ew triple)

2.try to stop that horrible automatic feeling I get in the hallway

and many more

you know what?

I'm gonna make a list, they are very fun

BRENNA'S LIST OF MOST COMFORTING SONGS TO LISTEN TO WHEN SAD AND OR DOWN(not that I am right now, just bored)

1.at your funeral
REASON: saves the day ultimatley the most comforting band to listen to. Sad lyrics hidden behind poppy beats, chris coneley's clearly teenage voice, not some altered popstars. Also I love that I really don't know anyone who likes them or has ever heard of them even if they are a slightly old band and that is a thing that is comforting for me. The song is very uplifting too though. Its kinda of a "I won't let the world trample over me cause I am important too" song. This song is the reason I decided to go out of depressed mode.

2.Lucky denver mint by Jimmy eat world
REASON: unlike jimmy's newer stuff, this song comes from their pretty old album, clarity, and is calm and soothing with a very indie feel.

3.Let it enfold you by senses fail
REASON: awsome song, very nice and jut like the it says, let you enfold yourself in it. A very good comfort rate.

4. to icarus with all sincerity by race the sun
REASON: a very sad song but very nice to listen to and eat comfort food while hearing

5.Kiss the bottle by Jawbreaker
REASON: this is like a good ol childhood teddy bear to hug. ragged but sweet and soft

6.a hole in the world by thursday
REASON: calm and soothing destruction

7. bruce waynes day off by forever in fall
REASON: very nice and deeply emo

8.In circles by sunny day real estate
REASON: just a beautiful song

9.better days by forever in fall
REASON: see # 7

10. Chalkline by strike anywhere
REASON: very rebel against the system and anti maintstream. uplifting

ok I'm done

soooo if you are ever feeling sad listen to these, they are all also very good bands

woa

2005-04-04T05:43:30Z

I'm having a pretty cool b-day weekend+week

currently rocking out to my best present

WHO PUT THE M IN MANCHESTER??????

MORRISSEY!!!!!!!!

god he is so stylish in a classy way

and very talented

now leave me be to dance around to first of the gang to die

oh my......

fractures in the facade of the time it takes to break down and rebuild

2005-04-02T04:50:55Z

hey everyone

I know I haven't posted in a while sinc spring break. Its been one week and my birthday is tommorrow.

I just wanna say that I am sorry I have been so avoiding this last week. I had horrible dissapointments raining down on me for a very long time. Whe someone emailed me I either put on the away message or just didn't email back.

I'm so sorry

I was just so deppressed it was scary. I had never felt so broken as I had been last week and weekend. I wanted to run away from my own loving family adn friends and never come back. Emotionally , it has been a tiresome couple of weeks and hope that it won't happen again. I get impatient with sadness. I'm slowly but surely rebuilding myslef up again, putting cement and brick together. I building a better me I hope, one that will maybe open up and trust people more. I'm in a large healing proccess and I ask that none of you be angry with me. I love you all, I really do. I just felt what it feeled like to have no friends for a while and I despise it. I just needed to work things out.

I love you all(but not in a lesbian way (:

its my birthday tommorrow and I want people to be happy with me

so please, talk to me, I need it badly

,your recovering, but still lovable friend, Brenna

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-13T22:21:00

2005-03-14T06:53:38Z

oh my god

I had the most amazing time

I'll never be the same again

he took me to see senses fail!

just one of the best bands out there

and quite romantic in a er sorta rockish way

we went to fat burger before, which is always yummy

when I saw him waiting for me there it was sad

but then he said this:

"Listen Bren, I know this sucks like hell, but tonight It doesn't exist, tonight I ain't moving, just for tonight lets have a fuckin good time OK?"

smartest words I have ever heard

we were the youngest ones at the concert, but everyone was so respectful of us, it was nice

the best part is yet to come

just in the middle of the show, the chords to Let It Enfold You began to chime

now let me explain something to you

Let It Enfold You is my favorite song

It is mine and davoks song

its beautiful

ok, so during the song, buddy(the singer) looks at us and winks

then he shouts "Ok now all you guys jump!!! This is the hight if your fuckin lives!!!"

and in the swirling masquarade of people leaping into the air, davok kissed me

afterwards, we hung out in the parking lot together

it got so quiet and beautiful when everyone cleared out

he put his arms around me

and you will not believe this

he started to cry

to cry....

he said that he would miss me more than anything in the world

he gave me a bracelet

and then it was done

he walked me to my door

and when I peered through the window I saw him lay something on my porch

it was a vegan cookie in a napkin

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-13T16:21:00

2005-03-14T00:24:08Z

I'm getting ready for the concert. hmmm, what should I wear. I don't know what band it is..

I'll just go with this:

skate shoes
dark jeans
white stud belt
norma jean tee
and who could go wrong with the Underoath hoodie?

Underoath=yay

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-12T23:55:00

2005-03-13T07:56:46Z

I just imd davok and he says we're gonna go to a concert tommorrow

but he won't tell me who

he says its a surprise

dammit I hate surprises

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-12T22:56:00

2005-03-13T07:01:19Z

I should be sleeping now....

but I'm not

I have hebrew school tommorrow

damn

well back to AFI

....If only davey, Jade, Hunter, and adam were here.

they would solve all my problems

and maybe sign my guitar in the process

hmmm

black sails in the sunset?

or Art of drowning?

descisions descisions

oh Davey, why do you have to be so awsome?

Davey+Havok=Davok?

this is too wierd

Davey Havok=yay

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-12T22:01:00

2005-03-13T06:03:56Z

I went over to kaitlins house

I don't think I spelled that right..........

but whatever

tommorrow night is my last date with davok till he moves.

this is not happening

o AFI, won't you drown my sorrows?

naw, wait I need emo for this

taking out sunny day real estate album

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-10T17:14:00

2005-03-11T01:14:28Z

everythings beautiful when you don't look down

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-10T17:02:00

2005-03-11T01:03:01Z

listening to the old taking back sunday album, not the crappy new one

its gorgeous

I'm sad

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-08T19:48:00

2005-03-09T03:48:51Z

oh also for the playlist, never forget piebald, and for the extra touch of hardcore, gohead and add some comeback kid and noma jean

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-08T19:35:00

2005-03-09T03:45:01Z

I am infull on break up deppression mode. I even have my breakup song list. I'm drinking canada dry ginger ale and eating pork buns from a dim sum chinese restuarant. Comfort. Oh god, I can't believe this is happeningI think I'm gonna cry. I am going full on, head first, old school + present-day emo. I have my senses fail album ready for blasting, Sunny day real estate, Jets to brazil, Fugazi, rites of spring, braid, the promise ring, thursday, something corporate, my chemical romance, the used, underoath, mineral, the black maria, and michelles boyfriends band, forever in fall. They are all playing.

"Kiss the Bottle"

It gets lonliest (sic) at night. Down at the liquor store. Beneath the neon sky. Our moonlight. Six a.m. the floor comes alive with lice. The pan's dried up so tight. With hardened beans. We're hungry. So I lean on you sometimes. Just to see you're still there. Your feet can't take the weight of one. Much less two. We hit concrete. How were we born into this mess? I know I painted you a prettier picture, baby. But we were run out on a rail. Fell from the wagon to the night train. I kissed the bottle. I should've been kissing you. You wake up to an empty night. With tears for two. Cigarettes they fill the gaps. In our empty days. In our broken teeth. We're jonesing. Say mister, can you spare a dime? Some change could make a change. Could buy some time. Some freedom. Or an ear to hear my story. It's all I've got. My fiction beats the hell out of my truth. A palm upturned burnt blue. Don't call it sunburn. You've been shaking on the job. Just one drink ahead of your past. There's a white light coming up. You draw the blinds hoping it'll pass.
-Jawbreaker

......anyone want a bite of pork bun?

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-07T21:36:00

2005-03-08T05:37:08Z

my boyfriend is moving to wisconsin......

dear god what the hell is going on

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-06T19:06:00

2005-03-07T03:09:47Z

GOING ON THE WARPED TOUR WITH SORRELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-06T16:57:00

2005-03-07T01:00:15Z

if you touch me I might die

someones standing on my chest

I look all around to see if I’m still here

with your death, with your hands around my neck

and to see all you want in your dreams

all what was never yours, what can you do

just run as fast as your own mind makes you

as your own sorrow takes you

as your own aches bait you

away

sometimes, when I feel, the eyes they watch me

what will do us part?

and sometimes when I taste my own prodigy

so deft, so sickening

and sometimes, when I fall, I will not get back up

oblivious to things that make me so unreal

dress your own, in rags and stainless steel

this is mine, my paranoia

I sleep with one eye, the other one was cut

with your blades, theres no one I can trust

and to need all these things

my own supply, can’t feed

take your lies and go find me

come what may is the phrase I heed

nothing is my eyes in the back of my fingertips, see

I’m all I’ll ever need

sometimes, when I feel, the eyes they watch me

what will do us part?

and sometimes when I taste my own prodigy

so deft, so sickening

and sometimes, when I fall, I will not get back up

oblivious to things that make me so unreal

dress your own, in rags and stainless steel

this is mine, my paranoia

in a full of haunted housed lines

in a sparrow of death do us part bines

turning water dusting into wine

this one miracle meal, cannot dine

my paranoia, this is mine

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-05T21:44:00

2005-03-06T05:59:47Z

god, I am so sick of this

is there anybody in the whole freaking goddam world who doesn't just care about quote "hottt guys" and abercrombie and fitch???

PATHETIC MATERIALISTIC LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uh o I'm in rage mode, yes thats right folks, rage mode for brenna coates

you better watch out

is this all that is important to you in life stuck with parents credit cards

have you ever tasted sadness, not a boy dumping you sadness or friend bitchy sadness

as in REAL sadness?

the type that penetrates through your thick skulls and chest to your heart and mind, uncontrolable and ready to strike?

well, have you?

doesn't seems like it

I'm jealous, ya thats right jealous

I'm jealous of your plastic contentment with life

I want that

but I can't have it

I'm not normal

I'm not goth or emo or punk or anything like that

I don't know what I am

you all do

it isn't fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damn you all!!!
I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE

somebody please help me

nobody gonna help me

they care I know

but they have their lives

so happy

they countinue to lead them

and I continue to wonder how I go this way

How did I fuck up?

what killed me?

what killed my life?

I have nothing now

the only thing I have is music

I clutch onto it with all my strength and willpower

its the only thing that keeps me here

keeps me from drifting so far away

I think I'm going to cry

I am right now

the keyboard is wet with my tears

I want to stop

what happened to me?

what has happened to brenna Coates?

the girl

what left me behind?

what happened?

run now and some might say

"We all die alone."

And I’ll never forget what killed us

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-05T21:29:00

2005-03-06T05:29:50Z

I'm sick and I'm twisted

don't touch me, you'll get this

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-03-02T17:07:00

2005-03-03T01:08:57Z

tonight is the night of all nights

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-02-27T23:08:00

2005-02-28T07:08:47Z

I should be in bed now

but I'm not

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-02-27T21:49:00

2005-02-28T05:50:40Z

she laughed at my tie, but then I told her it was 98% betifuco fiber

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-02-27T17:48:00

2005-02-28T01:48:34Z

aren't you tired of being weak?

iluvdaveyofafi @ 2005-02-27T17:42:00

2005-02-28T01:48:06Z

why can't I be cool?

dang nabit

oh, well maybe I should stop swearing like old people

now what am I supposed to say?

maybe I should insert hella between every word in my sentances

maybe not

who wants to comfort the lonely brenna?

I'm gonna call davok now

hes probably doing something extremely hardcore

like making vegan cookies

those things are hella good...